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Stop judging and enjoy that lick sis’

Many women don't enjoy the 'muffing' becuase they worry about how they look and if their partner is doing it right

By MPHO MOTSIE-MABUDA

As women we tend to rob ourselves of pleasure and fulfilment that we can get from cunnilingus (female oral stimulation of the vagina or vulva), by how we act when we receive it.

The focus is usually only on the person performing cunnilingus, the male partner, in a heterosexual relationship, how good is he.

We can make a mistake by creating a negative experience when receiving oral sex so I want to help you stop sabotaging your own pleasure ladies.

Receiving oral sex is just as important as your man receiving from you. Besides, varius studies show that 75-95% of women can only reach orgasm through clitoral stimulation, so oral sex is definitely one way of stimulating the clitoris, leading to an orgasm.

How women rob themselves from enjoying oral sex. Once you understand and know why then you are able to start a journey of fixing the issue.

 Not being able to relax due to past experiences

Relaxing and surrendering to the pleasure you are feeling in your body is very important because being too much in your head prevents you experiencing full pleasure. Sometimes it could have been that your past experience with a partner who was not familiar with how to perform cunnilingus on you specifically, left you associating it with an act that is not important or not pleasurable.

 Feeling ashamed of your own body part

Many women are ashamed of their own vulva and have never even had a look at it. If you yourself cannot find and see the beauty in their own body then it’s hard sometimes to allow another person to fully see it.

Worried about how they smell and taste

Society does create a lot of stigma and self-hatred amongst women. I am pretty sure all of you have heard that women’s genitals smell or taste like fish. That is absolutely wrong, the female genitalia smell and tastes like the female genitalia, period. If there is a foul odour then that is an indication that you need to go see your gynaecologist, it’s as simple as that. To get familiar with yourself, look and smell at your vulva/vagina regularly.

 The pressure to orgasm

Sometimes your partner, especially a partner who is not particularly skilled, might pressure you to orgasm quickly. That is causes performance pressure/anxiety. This will do the totally opposite and you will end up not experiencing pleasure. It’s okay to take as long as your body needs to orgasm, don’t feel scared to need more time.

 Not offering feedback

This is very important because it ties up with communication. If you follow my work, you know how much I preach communication. Ladies, we need to start being comfortable in speaking up about how we want our pleasure, men are not mind readers. Let him know what you would like him to do more and how to do it. As women we are different and enjoy different things, so it’s up to you to let him know what works for you. Remember though, you speaking up doesn’t mean you need to degrade or be mean to your partner.

Don’t be ashamed to seek help from a Sexologist, Sex Therapist or Sex Coach like myself on how to relax during any and all forms of sexual activities that you would like to feel comfortable doing or trying out. We are here to help without judgement.

Mpho Motsie-Mabuda is a Relationship and Sex Coach – 0636805704

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