She can get wet, and not want sex and vice versa
It happens that a person can get aroused and still not want sex - it happens to both sexes
By MPHO MOTSIE-MABUDA
Have you ever felt so aroused and ready for amazing sex with your partner but you are not hard or not wet? Have you ever been wet but not want to have sex? Have ever had a hard on during an intense meeting but not want to have sex? It is common. It’s called arousal
Non-concordance. This is probably the most important thing you will ever learn about sex. Arousal non-concordance happens when your mind gets aroused but your body doesn’t or when your body gets aroused and your mind doesn’t.
This is something that happens to both men and women. Once people know about this phenomenon and understand it, then it makes things so much clearer. And they realise that sex is not just black and white, that there is plenty of grey as well.
A person can get confused when, for example, they get hard or wet when reading or watching a movie scene about sexual assault. It is possible to be genitally aroused and feel utter disgust at the same time towards what you are reading or the scene you are watching.
This does not mean you want to be assaulted or want to assault someone else. It can bring about lots of confusion and shame. This is where you must know and remember that your genitalia does not determine your truth. Your mind is the determination of who you really are.
You might be mentally aroused but your genitals are not responding
If you know that you don’t want to ever experience or partake in a situation like that, then that is arousal non-concordance. So just because you get wet or hard, that does not always mean you want to have sex. This is why consent is so important. Just because a person’s genitalia responds, that is not automatic invitation for you to have sex with them.
In other situations, you might be mentally aroused but your genitals are not responding and you don’t get wet or you don’t get a hard on, this again is arousal non-concordance. This is why communication and honesty are very important in all sexual relationships.
Listen to your partner and support them if they experience this mismatch of body and mind. Don’t Gaslight them with their body! If we don’t acknowledge this, it could have horrible consequences. So your genitals don’t know more about you or most importantly, they don’t speak on your behalf, you and only you do. Please feel free to contact me if you want to discuss this further.
