It boggles the mind why talking about sex is still taboo in 2021 nogal

Intimate Me, with Mpho

It boggles the mind why talking about sex is still taboo in 2021 nogal

Sex is ife, literally because almost everyone is here because their parents had sex to conceive them.
If sex is life and we all agree that life is beautiful, why then do we still frown upon talking about sex?

We are no longer in the dark ages with everything else, so why are we with sex?

I realized that promoting education and conversations about sexuality, sex, pleasure and intimacy was really needed in South Africa, especially among the black community. I also identified that as much as talking about sex is fun, it is also equally, if not more importantly, a very serious and much needed topic.
I believe we do not talk about sex enough and as women we need to know it is okay to be sexually liberated.
Women need to be able to know what they want when having sex, so we do not expect our men to be mind readers in the bedroom. We need to be able to talk about sex in our relationships. We are lucky enough to be a species created to use it not only for reproduction purposes but also for enjoyment.

Leaving sex to be taboo brings about a lot of issues and problems. Many relationships suffer because of lack of communication about sex.
We discuss everything else but not this very important topic. What tends to happen, and I have come across this with a lot of my female clients, women don’t have a voice about bedroom activities, everything is left to the man (this is heterosexual relations) to initiate and be “in charge”.

We have been lied to our entire lives. Women have been brought up to believe a certain thing about their sexuality, that it’s not supposed to be important. That as a woman you cannot explore your own body so you can guide a lover so they can pleasure you fully.
Men also need to understand that not everyone is the same, they need to learn how to be selfless lovers. That means, men also need Sex Education!

Once we, as adults start normalizing having conversations about sexuality, and plesure, we can have open important conversations with our kids about sex, sexuality and pleasure. Most of our black parents never spoke to us about sex, sadly our generation still does not feel comfortable to speak to their kids, even in 2021.
This is one of the reasons why you get so many unwanted teenage pregnancies amongst the black community. Family planning is thought to be you basically telling your daughter to go and have sex. Not understanding that having conversations with your children will help them make informed, good and un-pressured decisions about their own sexual choices and pleasure.

I also work with parents and teenagers to help start the conversation about sex and build communication between them. Our kids learn about sex through misinformation from their peers or worse porn especially in an age of technology and easy access to everything on the internet.
Also and very importantly, having honest and open conversations with your children could help save them from falling victim to sexual abuse, they would be able to pick up on grooming tactics by a sexual predator, which could be a stranger, family member or even family friend, and be able to report abuse if unfortunately it has already taken place without the fear of you not believing them.

I also never got ‘the sex talk” from my mother (who was a single parent). When I started my period, my mom very aggressively told me, as a form of scare tactic, STAY AWAY FROM BOYS OR YOU WILL GET PREGNANT!
That was the end of our sex talk. Luckily for me I was attending a school which had sex education. But I needed my mom to talk to me in a more personal space so she could open up a line of communication between us, showing me that I could talk to her about anything and everything without the fear of being judged.

People might wonder why I say sex is still taboo meanwhile sexual images and innuendos are part of media all the time.
Communication and education around sex and sexuality is still unfortunately seen as taboo because yes all these images are everywhere but we are not comfortable to talk about our sexual fantasies with our lovers because we are scared of being ridiculed or labelled a freak or nymphomaniac. This can be really demeaning and causes someone to be scared to communicate openly with a partner about sex, this causes a lot of frustration in the relationship.

Sometimes in relationships libidos do not always match and not having an open discussion with a partner could lead to misunderstanding, constant fights, lack of affection, no intimacy etc. There are many reasons and causes of low libidos or sexual problems for men, women and couples i.e:

For men:
Low libido
Early ejaculation
Erectile dysfunction
Body image issues
Haphephobia (Touch avoidance)
Sexual trauma or abuse

For women:
Low libido
Orgasm difficulties
Body image issues
Sexual trauma or abuse
Painful sex
Vaginismus (often painful contraction of or persistent contraction of the vaginal muscles) when penetration is attempted
Lack of enhanced pleasure

For couples:
Sexless relationship
Body image issues
Communication style
Performance Issues
Different libido levels

Communicate, respect and always provide a safe space for each other.

Mpho Motsie-Mabuda
Relationship & Sex Coach

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