Familiarity may be the course of your relationship failure

By MPHO MOTSIE-MABUDA

Do you find that you date the same personality type over and over again?
Do you find that every time you meet someone new you get caught up in this vicious cycle and a bad situation with most or all your exes, for example, do almost always go for the narcissists, liars, addicts, abusers, gold diggers, or cheaters. Why do they keep finding you and what is it about them that keeps attracting you.

I am going to try to help you understand why. It’s been proven that once you understand “why” you are doing something then you can break the pattern.
In life we always have to be careful and protect ourselves from certain stresses that are not good for us emotionally, physically and spiritually. As part of the process of protecting ourselves, we need to choose who we let into our lives; who we give the opportunity to be part of our lives and who is worthy enough to have this amazing opportunity.

Looking at the reasons:
Familiarity – this is when you are attracted to what is familiar to you. As people we tend to always gravitate to what we are familiar with. For example when growing up one of your parents was an addict or a narcissist then chances is that you will attract people like that because you already know how to deal with them.

Repetition Compulsion – when you get heartbroken by a certain person, maybe your first love, you can then start trying to recreate that relationship with someone else so as to fix it in some way.
Frustration Attraction – being so frustrated by something but you get more attracted to it. When you meet a new person and you like them and they seem to like you as well, they might not be the person for you and you know it but you are excited. As soon as they stop contacting you, you then become frustrated and find that makes you more attracted to them.

Maybe now you can start looking at your past types and realize that having a type might not be necessarily working for you. Write down what you won’t settle for, for example: cheating, and then start exploring relationships with other personality types, you might be surprised.
Mpho Motsie-Mabuda is a Relationship and Sex Coach, contact her on: 0636805704