Erectile dysfunction can be treated, and it’s nothing to be embarrassed about 

Mpho Motsie-Mabuda 

A few days ago on radio I spoke about a very important issue that affects many men in the world, both young and old. Erectile Dysfunction (ED)! The response that I have been getting shows me that this is a topic that needs to be spoken about and we need to stop making it out to be taboo.

What is Eractile Dysfunction (impotence)? It is a condition that happens when a man can not get an eraction or cannot keep an erection.  Erectile Dysfunction can be a sign of a physical or psychological issue.

Physical reasons could be due to Heart condition, hypertension (High blood pressure) or even diabetes. ED has always been associated with old age but in a young man suffers from impotence and they do not have any psychological issues, it is very advisable that they go visit their doctor as they could be suffering from a heart condition that has not yet been detected.

Psychological reasons that could cause ED are performance anxiety or pressure, trauma, lack of trust and/or intimacy in a relationship and high levels of stress and even Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).

I recommend that men who suffer from ED due to psychological issue to seek help from therapists to address the issue and heal.

This condition affects a lot of man but most of the time they choose not to talk about it as men associate musculinity with their penises. This of course is completely incorrect. We think of man and their sexuality as a level of performance. There is always frustration about why “my penis isn’t working”? Well, apologies for bursting your bubbles…Men are not machines!

Sex starts in the brain. Our brains are the most important sex organs so if there is a disruption in the brain, your sexual function could be affected.

I am sure we have all heard about, or even joked about the Little Blue Pill or the Magic Pill, Viagra. Yes, it does help men who do have an erection but cannot keep it strong enough to penetrate. It however does not assist if a man who cannot get an erection at all. It helps with relaxing the muscle and helps blood flow into the penis. It strengthens the erection that is already there.

Injections administered to the penis can also assist with ED, this is usually best for men who are unable to take Viagra due to health reasons. You need to discuss this with your doctor or visit your nearest Men’s Clinic.

Men who don’t have erections at all can use penis pumps, but its best to speak to your doctor and get it on prescription.

Usually, a man suffering from ED develops problems with their emotional state, self-esteem and self-worth as a man. They automatically think this will impact his sexual performance. This then causes huge conflicts in many relationships if there is no open communication with the partner.

Society has made out that a man’s manhood is measured by his penis and sexual performance. This is wrong because this is an issue that can be corrected by seeking the right assistance from the correct specialist. This is not an indicator of you as a man, lover or your strength. Don’t be Ashamed! It’s normal to be upset and feel betrayed by your body, but you can get help.

Men tend to shut down and alienate their partner when they suffer from ED, yes it is your body but because you both got into an agreement whether married or not to support each other as long as it is a committed and sexual relationship, you need to be honest.

It is important to move forward together. A partner who really cares for you will want to help you and hold your hand through this time, they might need guidance from you by telling them how to support you as they might also be weary to not hurting your feelings.

If your partner tries to emotional abuse you i.e. humiliate, tease, emasculate, hurt you, because of your erectile dysfunction then I suggest you seek professional help together to evaluate your relationship because a supportive partner would not do that.

ED could be a struggle in your relationship, or it could bring you closer and even improve your intimacy. You and your partner will determine how it will affect the relationship. This is where the both of you need to sit down and change your mindset about sex.

Ask yourself, what is Sex? I am sure most of you will think Intercourse – Penetrating the Vagina with a Penis (heterosexual sex).

Well ladies and gentlemen there is so much to sex than just that, that is just a tiny fraction of what sex is.

Gentlemen, 70-80% of women do not orgasm with just penetration, they need clitoral stimulation. Yes, you might me suffering from ED now but that doesn’t mean you can’t pleasure your partner by using your tongue, fingers and/or hands. Her clitoris is an equivalent to your penis. Even with that some women enjoy feeling fullness inside them but your penis is not the only thing that can give her that. This will also take pressure from you. This will lead to more intimacy and promote more touch for both of you. You can even explore massaging each other to improve your relationship and this will also help with bringing down walls. Performance anxiety will decrease and that could help with the ED.

Ladies support your men and don’t make it about you if they open up to you. When they communicate support them.

While in the process of getting assistance for your Erectile Dysfunction, use this time to reconnect physically with your partner.

Relationship & Sex Coach

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